Clear Feedback is Kind Feedback
- Cristina Stensvaag
- May 12
- 3 min read
Give feedback with clarity and intention.
May 12, 2026
Originally published in One More Rep, a weekly newsletter for people managers who want to get better through practice. Subscribe here — it's free.
Week 19. Rep 19. Last week you identified the feedback you've been sitting on. This week you learn how to say it.
Read
The Moment
Most of the time, you know what you want to say. You've thought about it, rehearsed it, talked yourself into it and back out of it. The problem isn't the content. It's what happens when you start.
It comes out longer than intended. Or softer. Or wrapped in so much context that the other person leaves unsure whether they just received feedback or a pep talk.
The Pattern
Unclear feedback isn't a kindness. It might feel like one in the moment because you softened the edges and avoided the defensiveness. But the person on the other side didn't get what they needed. They got a version of the truth that was easy to dismiss.
And now you have to have the same conversation again.
Why This Matters
Clear feedback isn't harsh feedback. It's specific feedback. The leader who can separate what they observed from what they interpreted, and name the actual impact, is the leader whose feedback lands and sticks.
Last week we introduced the framework. This week you build the muscle.
Observed. Impact. Request.
Rep
This Week's Practice
Take one piece of feedback from last week's inventory and structure it using the CLEAR framework before you deliver it.
Evidence: what you actually saw or heard. Specific, observable behavior, specific moment. Not an interpretation.
Anchor the Impact: what it cost the work, the team, the relationship. Not how it made you feel. What it actually affected.
Request: what you'd like to see instead. Concrete enough that they know exactly what to do differently.
Write it out before the conversation - not to use as a script, but to give yourself the practice. Then have the conversation.
Your Rep
Structure and deliver one piece of feedback using the framework this week. Write it out first.
What to Notice
Success looks like:
The observed statement contains no interpretation ("you seemed disengaged" is interpretation; "you didn't contribute in the meeting" is observation)
The impact statement names something real, not a feeling ("the team didn't have your input before the decision" not "it felt dismissive")
The person receiving it knows exactly what you're asking for
Resistance looks like:
Preparing your feedback, and then abandoning it mid-conversation
Softening the observed statement until it's no longer specific
Skipping the impact because it feels like piling on
It's working when:
The conversation is shorter than your previous feedback conversations
The other person responds to the specific thing you named
Common Mistakes
Mistake #1: Turning the impact into a feelings statement. "It made me feel like you didn't care" is about you. "The client noticed and flagged it" is about the work. Keep the impact external and observable wherever possible.
Mistake #2: Writing a perfect framework and then over-explaining it in the room. What you wrote is a guide, not a script. Know the three parts before you walk in. Trust yourself to say them simply.
Reflect
Where did you drift from the framework mid-conversation and what pulled you off it?
What did the other person's response tell you about whether the feedback landed?
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Cristina Stensvaag is co-founder of LeaderReps and creator of One More Rep, a weekly practice-based leadership newsletter for people managers.