Ditch the Armor: End Defensive Leadership Habits
- Cristina Stensvaag
- Dec 11, 2025
- 2 min read
Updated: Apr 22
We all carry protective armor at work - habits we’ve learned to help us feel safe, in control, or in charge. But that armor creates defensive leadership and often keeps us from connecting with others.
December 11, 2025
Originally published in One More Rep, a weekly newsletter for people managers who want to get better through practice. Subscribe here — it's free.
This week is about noticing the armor you reach for and choosing to lead without it.
Read
We all have defensive leadership armor: the behaviors we slip into when we feel uncertain, exposed, or under pressure.
Maybe it is being too quick to make decisions. Or staying vague to avoid commitment.It could look like defensiveness, perfectionism, overexplaining, withdrawing, or taking over too quickly.
It is human to want to protect ourselves. To not want to look weak, especially as a leader.
But over time, armor becomes heavy. It gets in the way of honesty. It blocks curiosity. It prevents the kind of trust that allows real collaboration to happen.
“Armored leadership is about being a knower and being right. Daring leadership is about being a learner and getting it right.” - Brené Brown
Courage in leadership isn’t about being unshakeable. It’s about being self-aware enough to notice when you’re armoring up, and brave enough to take the armor off.
Rep
This week, pay attention to the moments when you feel yourself slipping into protective leadership habits. Notice the tell that shows up first.
Then try one of these small shifts:
If you feel defensive, pause and say: “Help me understand what you’re seeing.”
If you feel the need to be right, try: “Let’s explore this together. What am I missing?”
If you start overexplaining, ask: “What part of this would be most helpful to focus on?”
If you avoid giving clarity, say: “Here’s my thinking, and here’s the decision.”
If you want to withdraw, take one small step forward: stay in the conversation for one more minute.
The goal isn’t to eliminate the armor entirely. The goal is to notice it and practice choosing connection and clarity instead.
Reflect
Where did I feel myself armoring up this week?
What triggered it?
What did the armor look like? Defensiveness, avoidance, overexplaining, perfectionism, or something else?
What might it have looked like to stay open instead of armored?
How did it feel when I chose connection over protection?
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Cristina Stensvaag is co-founder of LeaderReps and creator of One More Rep, a weekly practice-based leadership newsletter for people managers.