Know Your Pattern

Every leader has a specific failure point in emotional regulation. This week, you find yours.

---

March 24, 2026

Originally published in One More Rep, a weekly newsletter for people managers who want to get better through practice. Subscribe here — it's free.

You've spent three weeks building the skills. This is Integration Week, where you review your data and find your pattern.

---

Read

The Moment

By now, you have data. Three weeks of charged moments, logged. Sensations named. Pauses taken, or not taken. The conversations you stayed in and the ones where you lost the thread halfway through.

You could collect that kind of experience and move on. The week ends, the moment fades, and the next charged conversation finds you just as unprepared as the last one.

The Pattern

Emotional regulation isn't one skill. It's a personal system — and every leader's system has a specific failure point. Some people feel the sensation clearly but skip the pause. Some take the pause and then over-explain anyway. Some stay regulated one-on-one and fall apart in groups. Some can handle pushback from peers but not from someone senior.

The failure point is different for everyone. You can't fix it before you name it.

Why This Matters

You had three reps in sequence this month for a reason. The log was data collection. The pause was a tool. Staying in the room was application. This week is the one that makes all three stick — because this week you name what's actually happening when regulation fails for you specifically.

A named pattern is something you can work with. An unnamed one just keeps happening.

---

Rep

This Week's Practice

Go back through your log from the past three weeks. You're looking for the pattern underneath the individual moments. Not what happened each time, but what's true across all of them.

Where does your regulation consistently break down? At the sensation (you miss it until it's too late)? At the pause (you know you should and don't)? In sustained moments (you start well and lose it mid-conversation)? In specific contexts (groups, senior leaders, certain people)?

Find it. Name it. Write it down.

Your Rep

Review your full March log and write one sentence that names your regulation pattern.

"My pattern is ________."

What to Notice

Success looks like:

• The sentence is specific enough that you'd recognize it happening in real time

• It makes you slightly uncomfortable because it's accurate

• You can already think of three examples from this month that prove it

Resistance looks like:

• Writing something so general it could apply to anyone ("I sometimes react too fast")

• Deciding you don't have enough data yet (you do)

• Finding multiple patterns and refusing to pick the most honest one

It's working when:

• You walk into next week's charged moment and catch the pattern before it catches you

Common Mistakes

Mistake #1: Making it flattering. "I care too much" is not a regulation pattern. "I over-explain when I feel questioned" is. The more specific and uncomfortable, the more useful.

Mistake #2: Stopping at the sentence. Write it down somewhere you'll see it. The pattern you named this week is what we build on in April.

---

Reflect

• What does your pattern cost you with your team, in your relationships, in how you're perceived?

• If you fixed this one thing, what would change first?

Want a new leadership rep every week? Subscribe to One More Rep — it's free.

---

Cristina Stensvaag is co-founder of LeaderReps and creator of One More Rep, a weekly practice-based leadership newsletter for people managers.