Setting Limits: Are You Saying Yes When You Mean No?
- Cristina Stensvaag
- 6 days ago
- 3 min read
What are you teaching your team about the limits you set?
June 2, 2026
Originally published in One More Rep, a weekly newsletter for people managers who want to get better through practice. Subscribe here — it's free.
Week 22. Rep 22. May was about saying the hard thing clearly. June is about something just as hard: deciding what you're not willing to accept, and keeping that boundary.
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The Moment
You've just finished a month of feedback work. You named what you observed, anchored the impact, and made a clear request. You got better at saying the hard thing.
But, feedback only works if the limits behind it are real. If you tell someone what needs to change and then accept the same behavior two weeks later, you haven't given effective feedback. You've started a negotiation.
The Pattern
Someone misses a deadline and you absorb it. A meeting runs over and you let it. A commitment doesn't happen and you follow up three times instead of addressing it directly. Each individual moment feels manageable, but they accumulate.
You might tell yourself you're being flexible, but what you're actually doing is teaching your team what you'll accept.
Why This Matters
Setting limits isn't about being rigid or difficult. It's about being clear. A leader who knows what they will and won't accept — and communicates that directly — is easier to work with, not harder. Your team doesn't have to guess where the line is because they know.
But before you can communicate your limits, you have to know what they are. That's where June starts.
Rep
This Week's Practice
This week you're building an inventory of limits you've let slide. The moments where you absorbed something instead of addressing it.
Your Rep
Identify three limits you've let slide with your team. Write each one down: what the limit is, what's been happening instead, and how long it's been going on.
What to Notice
Success looks like:
Each limit is specific enough that you could describe the behavior it applies to
At least one has been sliding long enough that your team probably sees it as acceptable now
Writing it down makes you slightly uncomfortable because you already know what needs to change
Resistance looks like:
"I don't have limits that are sliding" -- you do
Listing preferences instead of limits ("I'd prefer people to be on time" vs. "meetings start on time and I've been letting them run ten minutes late")
Convincing yourself the pattern isn't that bad
It's working when:
You can see the connection between a limit that's been sliding and a team dynamic that's been bothering you
Common Mistakes
Mistake #1: Confusing limits with rules. You're not looking for policies to enforce. You're looking for the places where your own behavior has taught your team what you'll tolerate.
Mistake #2: Only looking at the obvious ones. The limits that have been sliding longest are often the ones that feel too small to address.
Reflect
What have you been telling yourself about why these limits are sliding — and how much of that is true?
What is your team learning about what you'll accept?
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Cristina Stensvaag is co-founder of LeaderReps and creator of One More Rep, a weekly practice-based leadership newsletter for people managers.