Stay in the Room

Pausing when no one's watching is practice. This week, you do it with some pressure - when the room is watching.

---

March 17, 2026

Originally published in One More Rep, a weekly newsletter for people managers who want to get better through practice. Subscribe here — it's free.

Emotional Regulation in Leadership. You've logged the sensation (awareness). You've practiced the pause (foundation). This week, you use both by putting them to work in a real moment (application).

---

Read

The Moment

Each of us has our own version of a charged moment. One where someone challenges you directly in front of others. One where the conversation shifts in a direction you didn't expect. One where you have to decide how to respond in what feels like a split second.

You know the sensation by now, and the urge to react before you've decided what to say.

Two weeks ago, you learned how it feels and how to name it. Last week, you practiced pausing before it took over. This week it's time to apply both.

The Pattern

Naming a sensation when you're alone with your log is one thing. Taking three breaths before a response in a low-stakes moment is one thing. But charged moments don't always give you space to collect yourself. Sometimes the pressure is sustained, or the other person pushes again after your pause. The room is still watching.

This is when you might lose the thread. Not at the start of the moment, but in the middle of it, when staying regulated stops feeling like a practice rep and instead feels like real effort.

Why This Matters

Taking a breath when no one's watching is practice. This week's rep is staying regulated when the room is watching, when the moment stretches, when it feels hard.

The work you've done this month built toward this. The log gave you data. The pause gave you a tool. This week you find out how to use both when it matters.

---

Rep

This Week's Practice

This week, you're not just noticing the sensation and pausing. You're staying regulated through an entire charged moment: from the first signal to the last word you say in the conversation.

You feel it, you pause, and you choose your response from intention, not reflex.

Your Rep

Find one or more charged moments this week where you stay regulated from start to finish. After each one, add to your log: what happened, what you felt, what you chose to do, and whether it matched your intention.

What to Notice

Success looks like:

• You feel the sensation and pause before responding.

• Your response reflects what you actually intended to say, not just the first thing that came up.

• You stay present for the whole conversation, not just the opening.

Resistance looks like:

• Avoiding the charged moment entirely ("I'll address it later").

• Pausing, then over-explaining anyway.

• Logging it as a win when you actually checked out mid-conversation.

It's working when:

• The other person doesn't know anything shifted for you.

• You walk out of the conversation feeling like yourself, not wrung out.

Common Mistakes

Mistake #1: Confusing being calm with being regulated. Staying regulated means staying present and responsive, not just neutral.

Mistake #2: Waiting for the perfect moment. A charged conversation with a peer counts. A hard email you have to respond to counts. It doesn't have to be a confrontation to be the rep.

---

Reflect

• When did staying regulated change the outcome?

• When did you lose regulation mid-conversation, and what was the sensation right before that happened?

Want a new leadership rep every week? Subscribe to One More Rep — it's free.

---

Cristina Stensvaag is co-founder of LeaderReps and creator of One More Rep, a weekly practice-based leadership newsletter for people managers.