Take the Pause

Fast isn't always confidence. Sometimes it's reflex. Here's how to pause and interrupt it.

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March 10, 2026

Originally published in One More Rep, a weekly newsletter for people managers who want to get better through practice. Subscribe here — it's free.

We're continuing our series on emotional regulation in leadership. Last week you started logging what your body does before your brain catches up. This week, you'll use that signal.

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Read

The Moment

In January, I shared my favorite idea from Jefferson Fisher: "Let your breath be your first word." This issue of One More Rep takes that idea forward.​

Picture sitting across from someone who has a habit of pushing and testing you. Every time you get pushed a little further, you feel it: jaw tightening, the urge to justify yourself before you even think about whether you need to.

You answer fast because it feels confident. Like you have it handled. But fast isn't always confidence. Sometimes it's reflex.

The Pattern

Sometimes, leaders respond quickly because slowing down feels like weakness. A pause feels like uncertainty, like you don't know the answer, like you're rattled.

So you talk. You fill the space. You jump into the conversation before you've decided what you actually want to say. Instead, take a three-breath pause.

Why This Matters

The three-breath pause isn't a relaxation technique. It's an interruption. You've already identified the sensation: tight chest, shallow breath, jaw clenched. Now you need something that fits between the sensation and the response. Something short enough to use in real time, under real pressure.

Three breaths take about six seconds. Six seconds is enough to move from reflex to choice.

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Rep

This Week's Practice

When you feel a charged sensation this week, take three slow breaths before you respond. Not visibly or dramatically. Just three breaths, then speak.

You're not buying time to think of something clever. You're interrupting the automatic response long enough to make a conscious one.

Your Rep

Use the three-breath pause in 3-5 charged moments this week. After each one, add a line to last week's log: what happened, what you felt, what you said after the pause.

What to Notice

Success looks like:

• You pause before responding, even briefly

• What you say after the pause is different from what your first instinct was

• The pause starts to feel less uncomfortable by mid-week

Resistance looks like:

• "I forgot in the moment" (that's fine, log it after and note it)

• Taking the pause but then over-explaining anyway

• Deciding the moment wasn't charged enough to count (it was)

It's working when:

• You catch yourself about to respond fast and choose not to

• The person across from you doesn't notice the pause, but you do

Common Mistakes

Mistake #1: Making the pause obvious. A visible deep breath signals to the room that you're rattled. Three quiet breaths. You're the only one who knows.

Mistake #2: Using the pause to rehearse. The goal isn't to prep a better answer during the six seconds. It's to interrupt the reflex. What comes out after the pause is usually better precisely because you didn't script it.

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Reflect

• What did you say after the pause that you may not have said otherwise?

• Where did you skip the pause and wish you hadn't?

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Cristina Stensvaag is co-founder of LeaderReps and creator of One More Rep, a weekly practice-based leadership newsletter for people managers.