The 3 Question Coaching Sequence

Cristina Stensvaag
Aug 4
2 min read

Coaching means staying in the question longer than the silence feels awkward.

August 4, 2026

Originally published in One More Rep, a weekly newsletter for people managers who want to get better through practice. Subscribe here — it's free.

Week 31. Rep 31. Last week you tracked whether you're coaching or fixing. This week you build the tool that makes coaching repeatable.

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The Moment

Last week's inventory might have shown you something uncomfortable. Do you fix more than you thought you did? Not because you're a bad leader, but because fixing is faster, easier, and feels more useful.

The Pattern

There's a trap that's easy to fall into when you're working on coaching more often than fixing: you ask an open question, your direct doesn't immediately have the answer, and the silence becomes uncomfortable. So you fill it with the answer, or with the answer disguised as another question. And, you're back to fixing.

Why This Matters

Coaching is a sequence. Ask a question. Wait. Ask another question based on what you hear. Stay curious.

The best coaches aren't always the ones with the best questions. They're the ones who can sit with the question longer, even when the silence feels awkward. When you fill the silence, you take away the moment where your direct's thinking would have happened.

Rep

This Week's Practice

This week, in problem-solving conversations with your directs, you'll practice a three-question sequence before you give an answer or direction. (1) What have you already tried? (2) What's getting in the way? and (3) What do you think you should do next?

Your Rep

Use the three-question sequence in every problem-solving conversation this week. After each one, write down what they came up with that you wouldn't have given them.

What to Notice

Success looks like:

You get through all three questions before you say anything directive
The silence after a question gets more comfortable

Resistance looks like:

Skipping to the third question when the first two feel slow
Asking the questions and then giving your answer anyway

It's working when:

Someone leaves the conversation with their own answer and you didn't have to give it to them

Common Mistakes

Mistake #1: Rushing the sequence. The value is in the order. "What have you already tried" surfaces their thinking before you add yours. Skip it and you're back to fixing.

Mistake #2: Using the sequence as a script. These are starting questions, not a checklist. If they answer question two with something that opens a more useful direction, follow it. Curiosity beats sequence every time.

Reflect

Where did someone surprise you with their own answer, and what does that tell you about what you've been underestimating?
What does it cost your team when you give the answer before they've had the chance to find it?

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Cristina Stensvaag is co-founder of LeaderReps and creator of One More Rep, a weekly practice-based leadership newsletter for people managers.