The Feedback You're Not Giving
- Cristina Stensvaag
- May 5
- 3 min read
Updated: May 15
Find the feedback you've been withholding. Write it down. Deliver it.
May 5, 2026
Originally published in One More Rep, a weekly newsletter for people managers who want to get better through practice. Subscribe here — it's free.
Week 18. Rep 18. April was about trust. May is about what you do with it. This month we're working on feedback, specifically, how to say the hard thing in a way that lands.
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The Moment
You leave your one-on-one and something is still unsaid. Not because you didn't have the words, but because you were uncomfortable, too much in your own head, felt "mean" and decided to wait. Maybe next week. Maybe when things settle down. Maybe it will resolve itself.
Next week comes. You wait again.
The Pattern
You're not doing this because you don't care about your direct. But maybe you also care too much about the wrong thing. You're managing the other person's reaction before the conversation has even started. Will they get defensive? Will it damage the relationship? Will it make things awkward on the team?
So the feedback stays unsaid and your direct keeps going without the information they need to grow.
You're not protecting them. You're keeping them from developing and dressing it up as consideration.
Why This Matters
You spent April building trust with your team. Consistent follow-through, repaired relationships, and intentional conversations. That work didn't end with the month. It is the foundation for this month.
Feedback lands in relationships where there's enough trust to receive it. You've been building that. Now lean into it.
Rep
This Week's Practice
Before you can give better feedback, you need to know what you've been avoiding. This week you're building an honest inventory: not of your team's performance, but of your own silence.
Your Rep
Identify three pieces of feedback you've been withholding from your direct(s) Write each one down: who it's for, what it is, and how long you've been sitting on it.
What to Notice
Success looks like:
The feedback is CLEAR
C- Check first
L - Label intention (bottom line up front)
E - Evidence (camera test)
A - Anchor to impact
R - Request (command, challenge, or collaborate)
Resistance looks like:
"I don't have any withheld feedback" (you do)
Writing vague observations instead of observable behaviors ("he could communicate better" instead of "he doesn't update the team after client calls")
Convincing yourself the feedback isn't important enough to give
It's working when:
You realize the same feedback has come up in your head more than once and you've never said it
Common Mistakes
Mistake #1: Confusing withheld feedback with solved problems. If you handled something in the moment and it's resolved, it doesn't belong on this list. You're looking for the things that are still true and still unsaid.
Mistake #2: Only listing redirecting feedback. Withheld reinforcing feedback is just as common and just as costly. If someone on your team did something well and you never told them specifically why it mattered, that goes on the list too.
Reflect
What's the cost of sitting on this feedback: to your direct, to the team, to your credibility as their leader?
What are you telling yourself that makes it feel safer to stay quiet?
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Cristina Stensvaag is co-founder of LeaderReps and creator of One More Rep, a weekly practice-based leadership newsletter for people managers.